The last three weeks have probably been the longest and most excruciating I have ever put in on my day job. 28 hours a day, 9 days a week. My fingers are now only bone and my ass is completely worked off.
I may be exaggerating because I’m currently sitting on something and I am 99.99% sure it’s my ass, but my brain really and truly is tired. And tired brains are not conducive to creative writing, hence my once again prolonged absence from the blogging planet.
The worst is over…at least until Monday. I am currently sitting on my freaky-deeky cool anniversary bench, drinking God’s nectar (coffee with cream), listening to my dogs chew their bully sticks (Do NOT ask what a bully stick is. Just google it, be repulsed, but do not judge. My dogs are finally quiet), and watching the neighborhood wildlife. And no, I don’t mean my neighbors. I mean real, honest to goodness wildlife.This morning we had 5 deer on the path behind our house but it is now mid morning and I am only graced with finches, blackbirds, mourning doves, grackles, sparrows, swallows and the occasional orioles (Yes! We have orioles! Thank you, Grape Jelly!) and cardinals. Oh yeah, and Mr. Green Frog spotted while going down to check out the two brown pond koi (aka “carp”), a white butterfly, a yellow butterfly, a dragonfly, and several mosquitoes and tiny black spiders who suffered an untimely and premature death. Apparently I am only tolerant of wildlife with 4 legs or less. UPDATE: The dogs are now fighting over the bully sticks. My peace is shattered.
UPDATE #2: The orioles are getting pissy because I am sitting too close to their grape jelly.
UPDATE #3: Another spider just bit the dust. What is their deal, anyway?
UPDATE #4: It’s getting a tad warm. Sweat is beginning to run down my back.
UPDATE #5: Ungrateful orioles! They are now buzzing over my head, flipping me the bird. (Get it? AH HAHAHAHAHAHA! I kill me!)
UPDATE #6: Another spider. Tenacious bastards.
UPDATE #7: Why, exactly, did I want to be out here? The bugs are awful, the birds are noisy and poop on literally everything, which the dogs are now rolling in. Good Lord.
UPDATE #8: Sweat is running down my butt crack and pooling in the bottom of my light grey shorts. I probably look like I peed myself. Wonderful.
So, I started doing these updates and now I don’t know how to stop doing them so I’m just typing randomly until I basically have what looks like a normal paragraph and it’s getting awkward because I really can’t think of anything to say so I’m just going to go in the house now and do laundry.
Peace out, and don’t work too hard. Life might pass you by.
UPDATE #9: Walking up to the house, I passed my neighbor as he was going down to feed the birds. He glanced at my inconveniently sweat-stained shorts and quickly looked away with a horrified expression, so I felt the need to explain.
“It’s not what you think! My brain is just really tired and the dogs were rolling in poop and the spiders kept bothering me and it was getting hot and the orioles were mad about the grape jelly.” As he took off running, I shouted after him, “IT’S REALLY NOT PEE! I JUST SWEAT A LOT!”.
I’m sure he now feels much better about buying the house next to the crazy lady who apparently doesn’t pee herself and is merely a heavy sweater. Yeah. Probably I shouldn’t come out of the house for a while.