Tag Archives: faith

It’s All A Blur


I think I may have mentioned I am helping to lead our church retreat, and our theme is “Mindfulness”.  Our focus is learning to live in the moment – appreciating right where we are, regardless of circumstances.  For the record, I really suck at this.  But Moses sucked at talking in public, and look how that turned out, so maybe there is hope for me here.

The other night I was walking the dogs and trying to practice being present.  For every step, I repeated “You won’t ever get that step back.  Each step is now.  Now.  Now.  Now.”  Besides freaking myself out a little, the exercise helped me to be mindful of each moment of my walk.  To not whine in my head about the cold or that it was dark or that I wished I was home all cozy on the couch.  To not think ahead or think behind.  Just be in the “now”.  It was hard.

Later, I was going thru photos looking for an appropriate entry for The Daily Post Weekly Photo Challenge (Blur), and I found the one below.  I took it while out walking in the woods with the dogs, and playing with my camera.  When I got home and downloaded it to my computer, I remember thinking “Well, that one’s a bust” but now I saw it with new eyes.

The barbed wire -the only part of the photo in focus –  is my present.  The barbs are the obstacles – note that only two are in focus – the one behind me that I must remember to learn from and the one in front of me that I must overcome. The blurred forest is the past and the future. I might be bothered by the past and worried about the future, but in truth I can only focus on the present or risk falling from the wire.

Great analogy, right?

Now comes the tricky part.  The part where I let the past stay in the past and let God take care of the future.  Where I trust that beneath me is a net of Faith, Hope, Love, Mercy, Forgiveness, and Redemption.  Some days, I spend a good amount of my valuable time frozen on my wire, arms outstretched, knees trembling, heart pounding.  I wonder if God just shakes his head at me then.  If He’s tempted to knock on my head with his supernatural fist, saying “Hello!  McFly!” in His still, small voice.

I’ll keep this picture with me – a reminder to be mindful.  To be present.  To live. And mostly, to trust the One who walks with me.

Philosophically yours,

Sue

Red Banks Alvar, Brown County, WI

Red Banks Alvar, Brown County, WI

For we live by faith, not by sight…

2 Corinthians 5-7

 

Helloooooo 2015


Shamelessly stolen from my cousin off Facebook.  Thanks for the daily inspiration, Lori!

Shamelessly stolen from my cousin off Facebook. Thanks for the daily inspiration, Lori!

This completely sums up the extent of my resolutions for this new year.  I toyed with the idea of having actual resolutions, but they are just a repeat of what I hoped to accomplish the previous year and all the previous years before.

Even as I type this, I am envisioning myself pedaling 3000 miles on my bike, killing it in the gym, writing like a fiend, and turning back time and genetics until I’m 5’10”, blonde, built like a brick shit house and author of a best seller.  Damn!  I look goood!

The gal on the left is Zuzka - she has FANTASTIC workouts - seriously - check her out at zuzkalight.com

The gal on the left is Zuzka – she has FANTASTIC workouts – seriously – check her out at zuzkalight.com

A girl can only take so much reality before breaking out the chocolate cake.

Speaking of, we had some tonight for Dave’s birthday.  Homemade – my mom’s recipe she used to make for us when we were kids.  Homemade frosting too.  Yeah, I rock.

It really is as good as it looks.

It really is as good as it looks.

My point is – I tend to over blow things.  Knowing this about myself does not keep me from doing it.

So this year, my only resolution is to be grateful in all circumstances.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Even when I want to shake my fist and scream at God.  Because this is my life, and while I may not always get to choose what happens to me, I do get to choose how I will react to it.  Yeah, I know – I sound like a cliche, but I am learning that this is the only way to have peace in the midst of turmoil.  To have joy in the midst of pain.  God is good.  All the time.

So that’s really all I got today.  Plus, remembering to write “2015” really will take up most of my bandwidth for the first three months.  We’ll talk again in March.  Ha!

The cake queen,

Sue

 

The Whiniest Israelite In All The Land


That would be me.  Well, that would be me if I was Jewish.  And if I lived during the Exodus (despite what my brother may say, I’m not that old).

This realization came to me recently while I was working on a work assignment. A really sucky work assignment.   A really sucky work assignment that was really really hard (really) and I only had one week to do it. It required hours of reading, research, analyzing, and goal setting and then writing a report to go with it.

Crack open that bottle of whine.

“I can’t play Candy Crush because I have to do reeeessseeaarchhh!”  *Throws self on floor*

“On my own tiiimmme!  At hoooommme!”  *Flail arms and legs while rolling on the floor*

“I don’t get thiiiisss!”  *dramatic adolescent foot stomping*

“This is toooo haaaarrd!”  *More arm flailing and foot stomping*

“I want to eat peanuts and read comics like all the other adults!”

“I’m just gonna quit my stupid job so I don’t have to do this.  But I need a paaaay cheeeeeeck!”  *sobs uncontrollably*

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

After I finished the report, I texted a friend saying “It’s done! It’s finally done!” to which she replied, “Are you also done with your pity party?”.  Rat bastard friends.

Every morning, I try to read a chapter from the bible. You will notice I just called my friends “rat bastards” in the previous sentence, so I feel compelled to explain the bible reading for some reason. I obviously don’t fit the traditional “holy” definition, but thankfully, God has infinite patience (along with His wisdom, mercy, love and forgiveness) and hasn’t kicked me off the island yet. We talk a lot. I get a lot of eye rolls from Him, too.

So now I’m reading Exodus. The first part of Exodus is cool. It starts with the story of Moses – rescued as an infant from the waters of the Nile, growing up in the big house, being really stupid and killing an Egyptian, running away to the desert, getting married, finding a new life and then getting called back by God to rescue his people.

But once they get into the wilderness, and God starts handing down the law, things start to get dicey from a “making sense to Sue” standpoint.  Following the law is sort of like trying to read all of the “begats” (genealogies)- I’m reading the words but they don’t mean a whole lot.

Currently, I’m reading the instructions for building the mobile temple and I feel like I need a degree in rocket science to understand it.

Example:

7 “You shall also make curtains of goats’ hair, to be a tent over the tabernacle. You shall make eleven curtains. 8 The length of each curtain shall be thirty cubits, and the width of each curtain four cubits; and the eleven curtains shall all have the same measurements. 9 And you shall couple five curtains by themselves and six curtains by themselves, and you shall double over the sixth curtain at the forefront of the tent. 10 You shall make fifty loops on the edge of the curtain that is outermost in one set, and fifty loops on the edge of the curtain of the second set. 11 And you shall make fifty bronze clasps, put the clasps into the loops, and couple the tent together, that it may be one. 12 The remnant that remains of the curtains of the tent, the half curtain that remains, shall hang over the back of the tabernacle. 13 And a cubit on one side and a cubit on the other side, of what remains of the length of the curtains of the tent, shall hang over the sides of the tabernacle, on this side and on that side, to cover it. 14 “You shall also make a covering of ram skins dyed red for the tent, and a covering of badger skins above that. – Exodus 26:7-14

Greek, right? Or Hebrew? And can we just address the elephant in the room: Badger skins??  And this is just for the curtains!  Or something!  I’m not really sure!

"Figures The erection of the Tabernacle and the Sacred vessels" by illustrators of the 1728 Figures de la Bible, Gerard Hoet (1648–1733) and others, published by P. de Hondt in The Hague in 1728 - http://www.wcg.org/images/b2/_0303160501_038.jpg. Licensed under Public domain via Wikimedia Commons.

Figures The erection of the Tabernacle and the Sacred vessels” by illustrators of the 1728 Figures de la Bible, Gerard Hoet (1648–1733) and others, published by P. de Hondt in The Hague in 1728 – http://www.wcg.org/images/b2/_0303160501_038.jpg. Licensed under Public domain via Wikimedia Commons.

The entire time I’m reading it, I realized if I was an Israelite trying to decipher this, I was going to be wandering in the desert for a really, really, really, long time, because I would so be on the “Let’s build a golden calf – it sounds so much easier” band wagon.

What I wouldn’t have realized though, is that even though the rules were hard, they had a purpose.  God was trying to build a nation and to establish a way of life for a group of people who had just been slaves for hundreds of years.  They had little knowledge of government structure or how to keep a million people from starving or killing each other or how to even order their day.  Following his instruction stretched their minds, changing how they thought.  As it was, he had to provide manna and quail, water from rocks, and constant hand holding to get them to the foot of Mount Sinai (insert golden calf here).

So I felt a little better about the whole report thing. I mean, it was just a report. I didn’t have to build a temple or a whole freaking nation. Yay me!  Yay everyone else too, because the very idea of a “Sue Nation” is really rather frightening (except for the part where everyone gets to eat cake).  And just like the Israelites, researching and writing the report changed how I thought, brought in new ideas, and made me see my job from another perspective.

I also realized what a whiner I was over such trivial things like work reports when our world is faced with terrorism, war, racism, poverty, and illness.  Seriously – I should have been jumping up and down with joy over having to write that report. My rat bastard friend was right – I was having a raging pity party. And that made me wonder – how often do I complain about piddly crap like that? How ungrateful am I? How often am I whining about the glass half empty, when I could be rejoicing over the glass half full?  Or more importantly, the “cup runnething over” (Psalm 23)?

I plan to make that a daily reminder for myself: Pop a curly straw in that baby and rejoice in the glass half full. The very same RB friend who called me out on my pity party also had this remark for me – the “I get an idea and say “Okay, let’s do it”” and then she remarked “Now I didn’t say it was always a GOOD idea…” and we laughed over it because she knows me so very well. But this time I am on the money. This is a GREAT idea. For me anyway.

Half-full

Love to you all.

May you have a blessed and grateful holiday season.

Sue

PS. Happy Thanksgiving!

PPS. Pie

PPSS. Mmmmmmm….pie.

Just for today...tomorrow it's back to cake!!

Just for today…tomorrow it’s back to cake!!

Soft Pastels – Norwegian Style


The Boynton Chapel, Bjorklunden, Baileys Harbor, WI.

IMG_0599

 

 A fissured rock

the perfect tree

she built a home

to honor Thee

 

You spoke to her

You speak to me

in drenching wind

and unsalted sea

 

The feathered pine

and wizened tree

the slumbering ore

call out to me

 

In land of rock

and birch and sea

she built a church

to honor Thee

 

Interior of Boynton Chapel.  All paintings and carvings done by Winifred and Donald Boynton.

Interior of Boynton Chapel. All paintings and carvings done by Winifred and Donald Boynton.

Front of the chapel.  Even the pulpit was hand carved.

Front of the chapel. Even the pulpit was hand carved.

A Norwegian stavkirke - a stave church.

A Norwegian stavkirke – a stave church.

 

For more entries in Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge: Soft Pastels, click here.

 

Sue the Explorer With Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge: Wood and Spring


I’m taking a break from my usual fare this week, because I recently started following a blog called Cee’s Photography, and she runs photo challenges every week.  She has beautiful photos and they make me smile, so I thought I would share with you because you can never have too many smiles in a day.

I decided to participate in her Elements/Seasons series – as you all know I am a nature freak.  So, without further ado, here is my entry for Wood/Spring.

First up – photos from one of my most favorite places in all the land!  Bjorklunden (Lawrence University) in Door County.  Love, love, love that place, and for a while went every year with my sister for a ladies weekend.  I missed the last two years, a knife in my spiritual heart – I have been able to reach out to God so easily in this place.

Spring dew on lakeside branches.

Spring dew on lakeside branches.

God calling in the mist.

God calling in the mist.

This next picture was taken down by the Fox River, close to the locks.  I was actually trying to get shots of the pelicans, and happened across this bright bit of life starting it’s journey.

Life finds a way.

Life finds a way.

These yellow blooms were in my front landscaping at our old house.  Absolutely no clue what they are.  Tiny blooms in very fine leaves.  I just liked them because they are my favorite color!  Yellooooowwww!

Yellow somethings?

Yellow somethings?

Here’s something weird about me you probably didn’t know.  I love old cemeteries.  I like to read the stones and shut my eyes and imagine them as they lived, worked, and played.  When I was a kid, cemeteries creeped me out and I used to hold my breath whenever we drove past one.  Part of an old wives tail I think?  Like lifting your feet up when driving over railroad tracks.  Geez – I don’t even remember what that one was for – just remember doing it.

This cemetery in Salem, MA was especially cool because it had people in it from the Salem Witch Trials.  Interesting thing about these old tombstones is that they looked fake because they were so thin. I had to touch them to be sure they were real.  And plus, like the big kid I am, I just can’t not touch.

Salem cemetery, Salem, MA

Salem cemetery, Salem, MA

Salem cemetery, Salem, MA

Salem cemetery, Salem, MA

This next photo was taken while kayaking with the Daver on the chain of lakes in Waupaca.  There is a series of small, shallow lakes on the tail end of the chain perfect for kayaking.  I managed to not only stay in the boat, but didn’t drop my camera or phone in the drink.  I have mad kayaking skills.

Waupaca County, WI

Waupaca County, WI

We found this face of tree roots on our walk to a waterfall in the Smoky Mountains near Gatlinburg, TN.  It had just rained, so it was a slippery, muddy hike.  But totally worth it – so much natural eye candy!

Old Man

Old Man

I just really liked how all my pots looked last year, waiting for me to fill them with new life.  This year, many stand empty yet, as we have been too busy trying to get a driveway, deck, etc.  Next year, they will all be filled again, though!

Time to plant!

Time to plant!

Last spring, I road in the Menominee River Century – we did 50 miles.  On a short breather after a hill climb, I hopped off my bike and ran in the woods to grab this shot.  Did I ever mention how much I love riding?  Scenes like this play a big part in that love.

Pine trees in Menominee

Pine trees in Menominee

I know I recently shared this one, but it’s so pretty, I had to include it.  Taken on the trail thru a local bird sanctuary – it’s basically wetlands.  I was covered in chemicals or I would have been eaten alive by the velociraptors…er…mosquitoes.

Trail thru a local bird sanctuary.

Trail thru a local bird sanctuary.

And finally – does anyone know what these purple beauties are?  I see them blooming all over the place but have no clue what they are.

Who Am I?  24601!!

Who Am I?   24601!!

Those are my contributions!  I hope you enjoyed them!

A big thank you to Cee for sponsoring this challenge!  Please check out her blog, and also the other entries posted in her comments.

See you all next week!

Sue

Scotchy Scotch Scotch, We Love Scotch


I have had several people ask me why we moved from DePere. The short story: Empty nesters. But you know me. I’m not about the short story. I always gotta write a book. But in the interest of being interesting, I’ll give you the abridged version.

Dave and I got engaged in the middle of a field on Dollar Lane in DePere. We were young and green and dreaming big. But you know how reality reaches in and kinda changes how you look at things – money and circumstances and all that jazz. We couldn’t afford it and that was okay. We found an adorable little house in West DePere, and made our first nest there. Kids started coming, we moved to the next size up on the other side of town, and then Lindsay got sick and then we moved again and then they needed braces, prom dresses, bmx bikes, and cars. You know the song and dance. It was always something. But the dance was lovely, and I wouldn’t change any of it, except maybe the leukemia part for Lindsay.

Empty-Nest

Now we are in our empty nest stage (almost) and have been able to financially breathe easier for a few years now. We have about 15 years (if all goes well) to retirement, and we are both in good health. After talking a bit, we decided that if we were ever going to have that little piece of country, we needed to do it now. So we started looking.

I will admit that I wasn’t on board right away. My open house attendance was half-hearted and I hated everything we saw. We had lived in our current home for 15 years, and in that particular neighborhood for over 20. And I liked our home and neighborhood. I liked it a lot.

These dogs were made for walkin...

These dogs were made for walkin…

 

I liked walking the dogs every night and knowing all the houses and people behind the doors. I liked when Bricky drove past and honked. I liked when Pen and Ben were outside and we hollered across the street to each other or when Jim was in his driveway putting up Christmas decorations and we would stop and chat. I liked walking past “the boys” on Erie Street in the summer, when they would be sitting out side in the evening watching the neighborhood. I always felt a little safer because I knew they saw everything. (Geez, I better quit this – I’m starting to depress myself).

Then one Sunday, we went to an open house out here on Scotchman. While it wasn’t the home we purchased, it was the one that began to turn my heart. I remember standing in the living room there, watching a red-tailed hawk wheel around the farmer’s cornfield, and my heart skipped a beat. I knew I would move to be there. I can’t tell you exactly why – it’s not like we didn’t see red tails in DePere. Or eagles or sand hill cranes or deer or great blue herons, because we did. It was more the area and knowing it would all be right in our backyard. Or close to it.

ScotchyScotchScotch

After a lot of talking to the realtor, we decided to try to purchase a spec home they were going to build out there, a few lots down. It would have a three stall garage and a walk out basement, and would have part of the pond in the back yard. We listed our house and crossed our fingers. A lot was riding on whether we could sell our home on time, and Lord knows I didn’t want to move twice.

Now, I have to be honest here and tell you my heart swayed back and forth for a while. I had mood swings from “I can’t wait to move!” to “WAAAAAAH! I don’t want to moooooove! I want to live here forreeeeevvvveeeerrrrrr!” Dave asked me at least three times if I really wanted to keep pursuing it. I kept telling him yes, but I really wasn’t sure. In fact, right before my birthday, I almost decided to take him up on his offer to back out.

I DON'T WANNA MOOOOOVE!

I DON’T WANNA MOOOOOVE!

We had rented a condo up in Door County for my 50th, right on Lake Michigan. I was stoked because I was finally feeling better, after having been sick for over a month with some mystery virus, and I couldn’t wait for a weekend to snow shoe and tramp along the frozen lake shore. I told my realtor not to schedule any showings that weekend. Showings and open houses were a huge pain in the butt for us because we had to do something with the dogs and cat.  This meant a really long hour in the car with fish-breath hyper dogs and a yowling cat, who also occasionally puked for good measure.

We got a call two days before my birthday that there was a couple that wanted to see our house on my birthday, which meant either losing a night at the condo or one of us (meaning Dave – duh – it was my birthday, dammit) staying home and coming later. I couldn’t believe it. I ranted and raved inside my head and called Dave to see what we should do. I really just wanted to throw in the towel and tell the realtor no. To heck with it. This was crossing the line. A gauntlet thrown at my feet. Nay, I shouted! I won’t give in to the heathen realtors who would steal my birthday!

Of course we scheduled it. Dave stayed home and I went up alone (don’t feel too sorry for me, he came up later).

On the way up to door county, I drove past the turn for the new house, and had an epiphany, kind of how the Grinches small heart grew three sizes on Christmas day. I could feel the area calling to me. I felt at home. I realized I had from the beginning, and that I really wanted to move, but had been to afraid to ask God for it. It seemed a silly thing to ask, when people were starving and dying and suffering, but I had to let Him know my heart. So I prayed. I asked God for His blessing, that we would like to move there if it was okay with Him, and that if the answer was no, we would understand.

The folks who came thru that day, the ones I was so annoyed with my realtor about, came thru again on Sunday. By Monday we had an offer. Huh. What do you know.

And the rest, as they say, is history. A lot still had to happen (read my blog about all the cake eating involved), but it all fell into place, one piece at a time. We sold our house with time to spare. The buyers didn’t want to close until mid-March, so plenty of time for the new house to be finished and we would only have to move once. Given my freak out level thru the whole process, it seemed like a miracle.

Now, before anyone starts singing “Oh Lord, won’t you buy me, a Mercedes Benz,” I just want to say it wasn’t like that at all. We didn’t ask for the house to be given to us or to win the lottery or anything like that. All we asked for was guidance and an open door. And you can look at it as coincidence if you want. We choose to believe that God cared enough to give us an answer.

I believe God works that way – that if you talk to Him and have Him in your life, you’re going to hear back from Him.  Sometimes I enjoy the conversation, sometimes I don’t.  And I don’t always understand what he is doing or why (like, hardly ever).  But I wouldn’t want my life to be without Him.

The other day I was driving to work, basically telling God I surely didn’t understand why Jen died, and what part of His plan required this type of loss. It seemed arbitrary and cruel. When I got home, I had a letter waiting for me from a friend, with words of encouragement that assured me that even though I didn’t ‘get’ what God was doing, He was at least listening.

Enjoy the spring weather!  I will be back next week to tell you all about my Zelda, Ocarina of Time, appliances.  zelda

Sue

PS -My ancestors are from this area. Champion, to be exact. There is even a Conard road (see pic – I was on it last summer and I am sure I will be again, often) and somewhere a cemetery with some of my ancestors in it.

15 Minutes of Fame

15 Minutes of Fame

PPS – When we were growing up, my grandparents had a cottage on the bay. It’s about 4 miles from me now.

PPSS – When my kids were growing up, my parents had a cottage up in Crivitz. This home reminds us both of going there with our kids. I think it’s the open concept, the dark counter tops, and the feel of being up north. Every night we come home from work, we feel like we are going to the cottage.

PPPSSS – Dave’s dad grew up in this area. Attended Holy Cross school and church on Bay Settlement Road and lived not too far from here as a kid. Dad D’s cousin Louie’s dad used to own the land we are currently living on. He still owns a pretty big chunk, and lives only a mile or so away. Less than that as the crow flies. That said, Dad D often stayed at his uncle’s farm, and literally ran and played in these very fields we are now living in. Sometimes I sit, and imagine the DeGroot boys running thru yelling and waving sticks, all brown and dirty and smelling like sun. It makes me smile.

PSPPPSPSPSPSPPS – There is a cemetery up the road with DeGroot ancestors in it, too. And stop thinking the cemetery thing is creepy. I actually like them for some weird reason. I always try to imagine the history of the people buried there – like telling myself a story. Now, I can imagine it, knowing they are people who are a part of who I am.

PPPSSSSPPPPSSSPSPPPSSSSSSSSSP – Maybe it is a tiny bit creepy.

 

#100HappyDays Plus Lent


Lent.  When I was a kid, I always gave something up for lent.  Usually it was candy or soda.  As an adult, I have only very rarely participated in that aspect of Lent – mostly because the motives for giving something up became linked to losing weight or some other selfish end.  That’s really missing the point of what Lent is all about, which is a time of reflection and growth in your relationship with Christ, as well as a preparation for the most holy of weeks and the grand finale – the Resurrection.

However, this year I ran across this article, posted by a friend on Facebook: 20 Things To Give Up For Lent.  This inspired me to try something different this year, and I am heeding the advice given in the article by giving up Guilt and Worry.

Living my life consumed by guilt is like telling God He isn’t big enough to heal my past or that I am beyond forgiveness.  If I say with my mouth that I don’t believe those things, then I should practice believing it in my heart.  And if I believe it in my heart, then it’s time to move away from that damaging self talk Guilt whispers every day, and move forward instead into change and forgiveness.

Worry is the Ugly Step-Sister to Guilt.  I worry about things I have absolutely no control over with the misguided internal belief that if I worry about them enough, I can somehow control them.  And even though worry has never changed a single outcome in all of my 50 years of existence, I continue to practice it.  You all know the definition of insanity, right?  So it’s time to start practicing Trust, in place of Worry, and learn to allow Peace to follow Trust.

A tall order for only 40 days.  And I am pretty sure I will fail.  But every day is a new day and a new chance to start again.  No success has ever come without failure along the way.  I will give you an update after Easter.

Now, on to #100HappyDays!  These are in no particular order, by the way.  Nor do I have a picture for everyday since my last 100 Happy Days post – things have been a little hectic with all the moving stuff.  I am sure you will enjoy what I have though.  🙂

Birthday Stragglers:  My brother and my oldest sister decided I needed a little more Nifty Fifty-ness in my life.  Below are their contributions.

Words of Wisdom from my OLDER brother

Words of Wisdom from my OLDER brother

Old Age Tool Kit From my OLDEST sister, complete with sticky note instructions.  Because us old people are so forgetful you know.

Old Age Tool Kit From my OLDEST sister, complete with sticky note instructions. Because us old people are so forgetful you know.

KUUUUUUHN!

We got to meet John Kuhn at our sales meeting.  Besides me and Kuhn, that's our sales rep Judy on the left and my co-worker Kirby in the middle.  Notice I'm wearing Packer gold.  Totally not planned.  I'm just sort of awesome that way.

We got to meet John Kuhn at our sales meeting. Besides me and Kuhn, that’s our sales rep Judy on the left and my co-worker Kirby in the middle. Notice I’m wearing Packer gold. Totally not planned. I’m just sort of awesome that way.

Besides going thru all the photos, I also went thru a pile of the kids old toys we still had.  I ran across this truck and had to take a picture.  Matt used to do this to a lot of his trucks – he would draw up decals and tape them to the body.  Seeing this made me smile and remember the sweet boy who spent so much time laying on the floor with his cars and trucks.  “Matthew the Vehicle King”.

Another Nifty Fifty Event!  A beautiful necklace from my friends Karen and Betsy, from their store, Pretty Poppy.  If you happen to be in Newburyport, Massachusetts, stop in!  It’s a girl’s dream.  Seriously – I could never bring my daughter in there.  I would go broke.IMG_1700

Latte Friday!!  Every Friday, I go thru Jitter Bean for a latte.  Yummy delicious – and Julie always gives out an animal cookie with each cup!  If you have never been there, you need to check them out.  Buy Local!!!

IMG_1797

 

This adorable girl.

Daisy Duke aka Dobby

Daisy Duke aka Dobby

This goofball cat.

Rub ma bellay!  Rub it!

Rub ma bellay! Rub it!

Lucky with his snowbeard.

Let me in, lady!  It's freezing out here.

Let me in, lady! It’s freezing out here.

Going to see Wicked with my daughter, my sister and my niece.  I will say this was the one time I liked the play or movie better than the book.  Excellent performances by everyone and we had fantastic seats.  IMG_1803

Lindsay’s “Wicked” inspired drink at the restaurant.  It looked like lime jello.

IMG_1801

 

Cousin Mike’s retirement after 24 years in the Navy.  Thank you, Mike, for standing the watch!  We are grateful and blessed to have men like you serving in our country.IMG_1727

This – just because.IMG_1835

Finally getting to meet my adorable grand-niece who is almost a year already.  Where does the time go?  A popular old fart lament, I know.  I’m not putting in our picture because this is a public blog, but suffice to say she is super cute and takes after her auntie in Greatness.  Happy Birthday, B!!

This ginormous snow pile on the corner of our street.  My neighbors had to have made this on purpose.  Too bad they don’t have any kids – it would make an awesome fort!

Holy snow pile, Batman.

Holy snow pile, Batman.

This “Goodbye Winter, You Suck” cookie we got from work today.  Okay, that’s not what they called it.  Something more politically correct like “Beat the winter blues” or some happy horseshit.  But we all know the truth.  Winter, we are done with you! Done, I say!IMG_1851

My new bedroom set.

IMG_1800

 

Ha!  Just kidding.  I really did get one, but it’s in the garage at my in-laws.  In our 28.5 years of marriage, we have never had a matching bedroom set, so I am pretty stoked about this.  Once we are moved in, I will post pictures.

And finally, random pictures of our new house while under construction.  We just went out there last night, and it’s almost all done.  Wheeee!  One more week!

IMG_1816IMG_1841IMG_1814IMG_1845IMG_1779IMG_1787This will likely by my last post for a few weeks due to the move.  We got rid of my old desk and I’m sitting on a low stool with my keyboard on my lap, gazing up at my computer which is on an end table.  I thought the stool would work but it turns out I’m still a little low.  Anyway, long story short – it’s not super comfortable, thus the suspension of blog posts until I am set up in our new house.  I expect it will be the 27th before you see me again.  Hopefully we will be firmly above the freezing mark by then!

Stay warm, my friends!
Sue

 

 

 

Roller Coaster…of Love…(Say What?)…(sing it with me!)


Happy 2014!

It’s that time of year again!  The time where we look back on the past and forward into the future.  It’s like being at the highest point on a roller coaster – that pin-dropping moment of silence after a ponderous, rickety climb, where your heart gained momentum faster than the roller coaster car.  And then as the car pauses – you hold your breath and you see your future ahead of you, and you begin praying that your harness holds you firmly in your seat and that you won’t derail on the hairpin curves.

grucoaster

Did I ever tell you I hate roller coasters?  I don’t trust the harness, I don’t trust the course, and I don’t trust the person who built it that insists it’s safe.  This is exactly how I feel about life.  God loves me but I must really test His patience.  I see the course He has set before me, but I am already arguing with Him that the harness He provided is going to give out, hurling me into space.  He knows I’m going to have a death grip on Him, eyes squeezed shut and screaming all the way down that first hill.

These last few weeks have had some unexpected twists and belly droppers and I can’t say I was overly appreciative of the final moments of the 2013 ride.   And now we are back at the top of the coaster and as I look down to the coming journey that will be 2014, I see a lot of question marks and unknowns, and it’s making me a little crazy.  I wish I could see the course ahead of time, to plan for each turn and belly drop.  To be prepared and know exactly how I will handle each situation.  I want the security of the KNOWN, of the quiet, mundane day-to-day living, that stretches no faith nor spirit.   God doesn’t see it that way.  He knows without stretching my faith, I won’t grow.

So God and I are having a talk.  He’s going to keep me secure in my harness, wrapped in his love and strength, and I’m going to try to keep my eyes open and enjoy the ride without barfing up my Slushie or screaming for the ride to stop.  I actually did that once – scream for the ride to stop, not barf up my Slushie – on the Matterhorn at Disneyland.  In my defense, I was only 9, and I was riding with my mom who was also screaming.  Gotta love those mother/daughter bonding moments.

I know I will be a stronger, smarter, wiser version of myself when it all shakes out.  The process is the tough part for me.  But like I said in my Christmas blog – life is precious and it’s important to live in the moment – even the crappy moments.  In a nutshell, that is my main goal for this year.  To embrace every second of joy, anxiety, fear, happiness, sorrow, humor, and love.

Therefore, besides learning to live in the moment, one day at a time, on the things of 2014 that I won’t be able to control, here is a list of the more mundane things I have a little more control over and hope to accomplish.

  • Mental Survival for this Sunday’s Packers’s/Niners game. I know I am being overly dramatic, but all my fellow Cheeseheads will agree that watching the Green Bay Packers play lately is enough to make you go running to your doctor for a prescription of Xanax.  At least the game will be at L-L-L-Lambeau, and it will be c-c-c-cold!
  • Increase my blog posts to twice a week.  I am planning on keeping Thursday, and then probably adding Monday – hopefully something humorous because Lord knows we need a reason to laugh on Mondays.
  • Pull my pal Joey Christensen on the Titletown Tour in another mTT (My Team Triumph) event – this time cycling.  As you may remember, I was one of his angels in the Bellin last year,and I would like to continue that relationship by doing the Titletown Tour cycling event with him in 2014.
  • As part of my involvement with mTT and hanging out with the Joe-meister – attend, learn and pass with flying colors the American Sign Language class that I signed up for thru St. Norbert College.  Gotta be able to communicate with Joe while I am pedaling him around this summer.  Hopefully I don’t crash when I am turning around to sign to him.
  • Clock 2000 miles on my bike.  No clue how I am going to find time to ride more than I already do with everything else on my plate but I’m darn well going to try.
  • Running the Fox Cities Half Marathon with my bestie, Dawn.  Although this is really her goal, I am along for the ride to provide motivation and encouragement.  Of course, I haven’t ran long distance in over two years, so she may be the one cracking the whip on me instead!

And that’s about it for now.  As a good friend of mine just emailed to me:  It takes less time and energy to pray than to worry.  I am hoping to pray more than worry in 2014, for all of our benefit!

May you all have a blessed new year!  And stay warm!

Sue

tumblr_maao4bKhNi1qhpvj5o1_500

Learning To Move The Bean Bowl


I bought green and wax beans the other day at the farmers market.  They call them wax beans because they are yellow and look waxy I guess.  The term ‘wax’ in reference to food grosses me out, so I prefer green and yellow.  Or better yet, green and gold (Go Pack Go! Yes, I just went there, and yes, I used my entire first paragraph to set up the Packers reference.  This is what happens when you live in the land of cheese).

tumblr_maao4bKhNi1qhpvj5o1_500

I love getting fresh produce from the farmers market but it does require extra work to clean it and make it ready for consumption.  It’s not like buying a bag of Steamers and popping it in the microwave (although I do love Steamers – what an awesome invention).   Fresh food needs to be cleaned and cut and trimmed and peeled.  Kind of a pain, all this eating healthy business.  Some veggies are more of a pain than others but beans are fairly easy in the veggie cleaning line up – just wash and snap off the tops.

My process is to wash them in a colander, spread them on a clean towel, grab a few, snap off the tops and then toss the cleaned bean in a bowl and the top in a pile to the side for the garbage.  Easy peezy, lemon squeezy, right?  Well, I was cleaning my beans after I got home, and I kept accidentally throwing the beans in the garbage pile and the tops in the bean bowl.  What the heck?  After about the 10th time, I realized I had my work area set up wrong.

Green and Gold beans!

Green and Gold beans!

My natural tendency was to grab the beans with my left hand and snap off the tops with my right, so the bean bowl should have been to my left and the garbage pile to the right, and I had it reversed.  This would have taken about 5 seconds to rectify and ended the awkward cross reaching, plus the time-consuming need to stop what I was doing and fish the tops out of the bean bowl.  Not to mention that I was using extra energy just concentrating on my process that could have been used to create a plan for world peace and a new energy resource (HAHA.  Okay, I would have created my grocery list and a plan to clean the bathrooms but still, a better use of my time).  Instead, I stubbornly continued to clean my beans counter intuitively, swearing under my breath every time the tops ended up in the bean bowl.

After going thru 3/4 of my beans, I finally set my ego aside and fixed my workstation.  I finished the rest of my beans lickety split (I like to say that word.  Lickety split.  Or is it lickety spit? Hmmmm….).  I wasted a lot of time and effort fighting my body, but was too prideful to admit my set up was wrong and I was too lazy to expend the energy to change it, even though I used way more energy trying to fight it.  Apparently this thing on my neck really is just a helmet holder.

Door County Century

Helmet holder, but at least I get strawberry shortcake!

Life is like that, isn’t it?  The thought of making a change, even one that will make my life easier, seems like too much trouble and effort, so I keep on trying to control the wrong things.  I read once that a person won’t make a change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.  Pain yes, but pride too.  My ego tells me my process is right and if I could just control myself, all would be well.  This is especially true in my eating habits and in my relationship with God.

I will never be able to eat normal portions if I don’t have a handle on why I am eating in the first place, and I will never be able to grow in my relationship with God if I continue to try to commune with Him according to rules and obligation.  It’s hard to change what I have always done, and the process of making that change seems overwhelming.  But like moving my bean bowl, the initial energy needed to make a change is greater, but is less overall because of the energy saved on the other side of the change.  The sooner the change, the more energy saved.  With all those energy savings, I could qualify for an Energy Star.

Thus starts my quest to move the bean bowls in my life that are causing me to stumble and seeking God for change and direction.  I don’t think it will be easy, but I believe with His help, all things are possible.  One of the biggest changes I see coming is my commitment to writing.  In fact, the very idea is giving me anxiety at this very moment.  But, you know how sometimes you crave something, like maybe a bowl of ice cream or a donut, and you decide not to have it because it’s fattening or whatever, so you eat everything else in your cupboard instead, and then end up eating the ice cream or donut anyway?  That’s what this is like.  I feel like I have spent years eating around my desire to write, thinking I would never be able to make a living at it or be good enough.  Instead I have tried to find satisfaction or direction in other areas, and while I have been successful, I am still wandering around my house opening up cupboards.

I’m scared.  I’m scared of failing, of not being good enough, of dying poor and penniless living out of a cardboard box with nothing but my thermos à la Steve Martin in The Jerk.  But I think I am more scared of not trying it.  Of never knowing.

Steve Martin

I’m picking out a thermos, for you!

How about you?  What are the “bean bowls” in your life that need moving?  I love hearing from you!

Sue

Jesus Is In The Boat


Christ-Asleep-In-His-BoatMy husband can fix just about anything.  Cars, washing machines, dryers, the siding, bikes, the plumbing, the roof.  He built our deck, put up our fence, installed a few water heaters and painted just about every room in our house.  Sometimes he fixes things with specific purchased parts, and other times he “MacGyver’s” it out of things he has lying around the house.  In our 27 years of marriage, we have never had a repair man in our home.

I wanted to fix things too, except I wanted to fix things I was not supposed to fix.  If a friend or family member came to me with a problem, my brain immediately began problem solving and plotting a course of action for them.  Instead of listening, I would be patiently waiting for a break in the conversation to give them my sage advice, except that they weren’t coming to me for the Wisdom of Solomon.  They just wanted me to listen.  And to pray for them.

So I learned to be a good listener and prayer warrior.  Except when it came to problems with my kids.  That has been another story.

Of course I pray for them.  Daily.  With fervor.  And sweat.  And some arguing about God’s timing.  And maybe some late night pacing.  But I can’t seem to let go of the anxiety.  Even now, with my kids being young adults – all it takes is one phone call or late night text to put me over the edge into “fix it” mode, my brain scrabbling to put together a solution for them, every instinct screaming at me to step in and take over.

I have struggled with this ever since my kids problems graduated from skinned knees and broken toys to middle school angst and broken hearts.   I would often find myself as torn up and anxiety ridden as they were, or so angry that I wanted to go Mama Bear on someone – often times them.  I tried harder and harder to control them or the situation, thinking good parents had good children, and why were my children running amok?

A few years ago, I was sitting in a Companions In Christ class at church, explaining how trying to control my kids made me feel anxiety ridden and hopeless, but that I couldn’t seem to stop because at least by trying to control them, I felt like I was being a good mom.  We were reading the story of Jesus and the disciples in the boat, and how the storm hit and the disciples were freaking out while Jesus slept thru it all.  The Holy Spirit flipped a switch, and I had an incredible Ah-Ha moment.  I was a freaking out disciple, and Jesus was right there in the boat with me.

I shouted, “That’s it!  Jesus is in the boat!!  He’s in the boat!”  And then I had to explain, that no matter the storm, if Jesus is in the boat, you’re going to be okay.  I was going to be okay.  My kids were going to be okay.  Everything, no matter what it looked like outside, was going to be okay, because the Master of All was in the boat.  It reminded me of the time my daughter was diagnosed with leukemia when she was four.  Feeling helpless and alone, I gave her to God, regardless of the outcome.  Regardless of whether she lived or died, she belonged to God and not to me.  As the years progressed, I had lost site of that.  Finding Jesus in the boat with me, realizing I did not have to calm the storm nor try keep everyone from falling out of the boat, was such a relief.

I still struggle with wanting to take over for God and solve all of my kids problems.  And although I have gotten better at surrendering them back to Him, it still scares me to let go.  I have to constantly remind myself that He is in the boat, that I can let Him calm the storm.  And even in my weakness and in my fear, and in my lack of faith and trust, He still does.  For that, I am ever grateful.

Originally posted on The Neighborhood Church Lenten Pasha Blog.